I always do this. I take a step thinking it’s a good step, and land in a big ol’ pile of complicated. As many stories begin, all I can say is, “well, so what happened was…”
Well, so what happened was is I thought it would be a great idea to start working on my running again. I was introduced to a trainer (who makes Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser look like a saint), and the we decided the first step would be to actually run a race.
I regularly run 5k, but I am terrified of running a race. What if a hill takes all my energy away? What if all I can see if the distant backsides of runners who dashed ahead of me, and who actually deserve to be called runners? What if I just stink at it? So, to be supportive, my trainer said he had a few weekends open, and if I would find a race, we would run it together. Low and behold, the weekend we are both available, there is a 5k run to raise money for Duke’s Brain Tumor Research Center.
I was so excited. Running a race to raise money for the group that created the drugs that allowed my Dad to meet his first grandson was going to be more than a jog in the park, it was going to be therapy for me. It felt like a way to honor my Dad, to challenge myself, to take a small step towards acknowledging the chasm that loosing him left in my life, and to be surrounded by people who also know how that feels.
So, in my excitement, I posted on Facebook about the run. Dun, dun, dun… And a lot of people decided they wanted to run it with me. Not 2 or 3 people, but 2 or 3 dozen people. Yikes. I’m a little intimidated by hosting that many people. I have no idea where I’m going to put all the out-of-towners in my 1400 square foot house. Mostly, I’m terrified I won’t be able to run well in front of them. Pride is so ugly. But, overall, I am overwhelmed that so many people would support me, and honor Dad. My brother and his family are flying in, friends from our home town, friends from college that work in DC and New York now, and so many friends from along life’s way. I’m hoping it’s going to be lots of fun. I’m hoping I don’t break a leg or burn the dinner. But, mostly, I’m hoping I’ll feel close to Dad for the day, and in my own little way, get another chance to say thank you to him.
http://www.angelsamongus.org Team: Bibey’s Buddies