Presence in Absence

When my dad passed away, I felt sure that I was going to need time to adjust to the absence of his presence in my life.  But today, a friend said that it must be difficult to get use to his presence in his absence.   His presence in his absence.  My friend had confused his words, and quickly corrected them.  Through his confusion, though, I found some clarity that made me think about Dad’s presence that still remains, even outside of the sorrow of his absence.

I really have been focused on all the things Dad’s absence brought, all the voided space that his unseasonably lost life has brought to my life.  I have spent months missing our routine phone calls together and the daily routine of the last few months of his care.  These things are missing, not present.  How can a loss so great leave you still with some presence?

My friend’s words, however, made me face the facts.  I am getting acquainted with Dad being gone, which is heartbreaking to accept and comforting to make room for him in my life again too.  I am not embracing Dad’s absence, but Absence and I are getting familiar with each other through that slow and awkward dance of strangeness resolving to truth.  This conversation with my friend nudged me to think of how I still incorporate my Dad and his love into my daily life.  It is a little easier to talk about him and his life now, even though I’m certain I couldn’t miss him more than I do today.  I wish I still had him here for new memories and stories, but for now, I suppose I am grateful for his presence that still osmoses through my life, even amidst his absence.  And I come to realize, appreciate and embrace that some love is eternally present.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Presence in Absence

  1. Okay…I read this and then read it again and then read it again… Of course my mind is going to my sister’s absence. I understand what you’re saying. In fact, I love this concept. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • Thank you. It is a tough feeling for me to know how to put into words. But I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person on earth that understands this feeling. Sending love and light your way!

  2. wonderful play on words. I understand you fully, my mom passed away in 2009 and I am an only child, so I get it. It is hard to be strong at times, but you learn to be. I think if I had siblings, it would make things better. All we can do is keep going one day at a time. I really appreciate this post. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s