Not Just Your Average Joe

It’s funny the things that worry you when you’re going through a major life event.  Here I am saddled with grief over watching my father slip away from me, and what’s nagging at me is that I need to break up with my boyfriend.  Yes, that’s right.  I have a boyfriend.  To all my friends that might be reading this, bet you didn’t know that, huh?  We started dating April 1, 2011.  Yes, that’s 2011.  He’s been around as ‘one of my best friends’ for a LONG time, but he’s really been my boyfriend.  I have never once been giddy over him.  I’ve never had butterflies.  The thought of kissing him makes me want to yack, and the feeling must be mutual because we avoid kissing at all costs.  It’s been easy to down play him for reasons like ‘my privacy’ or ‘he’s just a friend,’  and the reason it’s been so easy to portray him that way is I’ve never felt a smidgen more for him.

So, why the heck have you stayed with him for so long?  Oh, I don’t know.  #1 We have the same friends, and they have talked me out of it every time I confide that I don’t want to be with him.  I even tried to break up with him in the first month, and the backlash from our mutual friends about killed me.  (I’m chicken.)  I would not only be hurting him, but all of our friends.  #2 I also don’t want to be the bad guy and break up with a nice guy.  #3 It’s given me a safety blanket to not date for a year and a half while I got over the one guy I’ve ever really loved.  #4 Did I mention that I’m chicken; scared shitless to lose my friends or his friendship over this?  The list of excuses goes on and on.  So here I am a year and a half later, and I’ve never acknowledged his existence to my friends, family or really even to myself.  I see so little of him that he’s easy to ignore, and when you’re busy days slip to weeks, weeks to months, and then you find yourself chin deep in a pile of shit.

I don’t want him though, and he deserves someone who loves him completely.  I deserve that too.  He’s just not someone I can really be proud of; he buckles any time things get a little hard.  I buckle down when things get too hard.  That difference in personality matters, a lot.  And for whatever reason, I need to look at someone and deeply admire them in order to really love them.  I just don’t feel that way.  But how the heck do you break up with Mr. Nice Guy when you have only had 1 text message every month for months, and haven’t even heard each others voice in 3 months.  Blah.  I could really use some encouragement.  Totally overwhelmed by this.

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5 thoughts on “Not Just Your Average Joe

  1. Alright m’dear. First off, HUGS! Secondly, you need to buckle down on this one. Seriously, real friends won’t care as long as your happy. So if your friends try to drop you for breaking up with a boyfriend you don’t love then they aren’t good friends in the first place and this is a lovely opportunity to clean house 🙂

    As for breaking up, are you sure he even thinks your dating? If you never talk?

    Trust me, staying with the “nice guy” just because you don’t want to hurt him, just makes you more miserable, and eventually you’ll treat him awful because you secretly hate your relationship.

    Pick up the phone, call him, and just say “Hey, so I don’t know where we are, we never really talk and that’s not really a relationship. I think its mostly my fault because I’m just not feeling this anymore. You’re great, you’re like one of my best friends but I just don’t feel romantic anymore.”

    Or something to that effect. Be a woman – do the breakup.

    (Trust me, after being in several prolonged shite relationships because I didn’t want to hurt anybody… I’ve learned you just have to bite the bullet on it)

    Good luck and lots of hugs love!

    • Hey Chronic Cyber Dater,
      Yeah, we’re together. Or we were until last night. He’s totally devoted and been loyal to me the last three months while I moved home to take care of my dad, who is extremely sick from brain cancer. He knows that if he invaded my space while I was taking care of my dad, it would be over. So, he gave me space and would get upset every few weeks about how much he missed me. It’s a crummy situation. I care about him. I want him to be okay. But the pressure to stay with him was just too much. I’ll just have to deal with any fall out from our mutual friends. 😦 So I bit the bullet and I feel SO relieved to have my life back and crummy for hurting him all at once.

      • *HUGS* It’ll be ok. I’m sure he’ll bounce back. Heartache isn’t as hard to get over as people think 🙂 Sorry about your dad : (

      • Thanks. I hope he bounces back soon. The pissed part I’m doing okay with, but the sad is just so hard to see. I want nothing but the best for him. And I am definitely not the best fit for him. 😦

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